by Brittany Driver
Oh my friend, if you are reading this article you may have recently found yourself in a bit of a pickle, no? Maybe you celebrated getting that new job a little too early with a big fat blunt, just to hear the next day you need to go in for a weed test as soon as possible. Maybe you are curious how long you’re going to have to abstain from pot to get it out of your system for your job hunt. HOW DOES DRUG TESTING FOR WEED EVEN WORK?!? Calm down, calm down and don’t worry – a drug test is nothing to be afraid of. It certainly sounds a lot scarier, bigger and badder than it really is. So take a deep breath and read on friend, let’s go on a little trip.
Okay, sometimes you’re going to be in an interview or a meeting where you’re being offered the job and someone is going to straight up lean over the table and swab your cheek with little to no notice and for that, sorry pal, you’ve been pinned. If you’re a light user and you’ve consumed pot in the last 30 days (and they are testing for pot) or a heavy user who has consumed in the last 90 days, chances are you are just going to fail that drug test miserably. Like a kid that didn’t study for quiz AT ALL. There is not a lot of prep (if any) that can be done to prevent a swabbed cotton cu-tip from testing positive if you have positively used marijuana recently. But the PEE test, that is something we can help prepare you for.
So, so, back to the journey. There are two scenarios referenced above. In the first you have recently consumed cannabis (in the last 30 days or so) and are now faced with the fact that you are GOING to be tested for cannabis, this week! Under pressure and full of cannabis laced urine you question how, dear lord how, will you pass this impending drug test.
Good set up, right?
So if you literally have ONE day, you’re going to need to purchase a same day cleanse. And a big old warning to yous all – they do NOT always work. However, at this point, your options are super limited. Most head shops will carry a same day cleanse and almost every single one of them you can buy is going to taste like total ass, so be warned. Different drinks will keep your urine clean for different amounts of time, so make sure you read ALL the directions before you start chugging that detox drink, you might only have so much as a four hour window to pee and pass.
If you have around 3-10 days you can do a more elaborate cleanse. Clearly, the 10 day cleanse is going to be most useful if you are a heavy user and the 3 day would likely suffice for the more light users. One website, Pass Your Test, provides several products to cleanse your body of toxins and also includes a drug test with your order to ensure the cleanse has worked.
The second scenario is that you’re job hunting and want to know how long you should stop using cannabis to ensure a clean urine screen. Well, that’s a much easier question to answer than it is to adopt. You just have to stop smoking pot. If you can stop smoking pot for 30 days (or 90 days if you are a very heavy user) you WILL pee clean because there will be NO POT IN YOUR SYSTEM, duh.
In either situation, when you get to the testing facility you may or may not have an attendant present in the bathroom with you while you urinate. Mostly they are there to make sure that you aren’t using synthetic urine or someone ELSE’S urine entirely. You might not believe how many cold cups of pee have been refused due to low temperature (below 90 degrees fahrenheit and you’re probably using old urine AND THEY KNOW THIS). I have heard tell of people strapping bags of urine to their upper thighs to keep the temperature up but it is probably the least…hygienic of the options you’ve got. So pee in that cup, friend, and get the heck out of that bathroom, do you know how many GERMS are in there? Sheesh.
Now for the wait. Maybe you wait a few days, maybe a week, maybe you NEVER hear back because you failed miserably and everyone is too embarrassed for you to call and let you know. Could happen. Either way, sit tight and try not to stress. You’ve either passed or failed and there isn’t much you can do about it after you’ve peed. Your work is done (and hopefully just beginning cause, you know, you get the job).
And there you have it. Drug testing for cannabis can definitely seem more frightening that it is in real life – imaginations can run wild and be funny like that. So the next time you are preparing for a drug test, don’t fret, pet. Give yourself a good long hard look in the mirror, unzip your pants and you pee in that cup my friend, because you know all there is to know and you ARE going to pass that test…right?